I discovered trees lying chaotically covering the sloops surrounding the bike path on our Holy Saturday afternoon walk to the lake last weekend.
I thought maybe the trees had been struck by lightening. One in particular caught my eye, its remaining trunk and torso looking statuesque–no branches or bark, stripped bare, stark in its simplicity–to pay it homage.
A few feet just beyond, another had been snapped off like a bone, massive limbs lying beneath. Then another. Ash trees all around. “Killed by the Emerald Ash Borer,” Todd said.
What bores into us, stealing our life and spirit? “Ashes, ashes we all fall down.”
The glory of the Sun breaking through the clouds of yesterdays’ mornings can become surreal as we sit in a deepening sense of isolation. My thoughts feel like petals in the wind and I remember the rose lying among the stones, drenched by the waves, its delicate layers heaped with sand.
I want to tear off all the layers that burden these aching shoulders and weighted heart.
We have to surrender the former to make room for the New. But what if within today’s surrender I am forced to admit I am the same shaky soul I was the year before? What if I am destined to remain stuck in a tug of war between self-sufficiency and release?
Why this incessant need to lead when what I need most is to follow…Him?
What if the vision of Golgotha, Christ on the Cross—what’s seen—returns again to overshadow Christ Resurrected—the unseen? How long can one go about ones days facing fears and failures—their own and others—living without the grace that has been promised?
How do we make the resurrection meaningful in what is now fruitless? How do we rise when everything is falling down? How do we stand out like a weighted rose among the shifting stones?
The higher the tree rises toward heaven, the deeper its roots dig down. But have you noticed? When a tree is struck, the trunk may fall but its root remains buried deep within the earth. Awaiting new life.
Faith is a firm foundation!
You show us that.
“But what if within today’s surrender I am forced to admit I am the same shaky soul I was the year before? What if I am destined to remain stuck in a tug of war between self-sufficiency and release?” Really resonating with this. Just a few days ago I was wondering if even after 10 or 20 or 30 more years I’ll still struggle with the same things with which I struggle now. I realize how much I’ve changed in these past 10 years, and yet, I am the same person with all the good and bad that goes along with said condition.
Several years ago I heard someone talk about how the struggle against sin specifically is more like weeding a garden rather than cutting down a tree. And even 20 years later those same darn weeds keep popping up. We get better at identifying them and pulling them up while they’re still little, but we have to remain active. To stop pulling up those weeds every day is to lose your battle to them.
Anyway, what I meant to say is that I can relate 🙂
Thank you, Sarah.
You are so right about catching “the same darn weeds when they’re still little.” I just have to avoid getting stuck in them in the process. 🙂
It’s so good to hear from you. Thank you,