“Brrr. It’s cold in here,” he says rubbing his arms after he walks through the door at the end of the day. “Remember I work in an air conditioned office.”
“Sorry,” I say closing the front door.
And on another evening, “Honey, why don’t you have the air conditioner on?”
“I’m not hot.”
“Honey, why do you have the air conditioner on?” He says on yet another evening.
“I thought you wanted it on,” I say perplexed.
And last night…
“Oh, honey…” he said at the table after I prayed a blessing.
“What? You don’t like the dinner?” I don’t remember what he said. “Seriously? It’s siracha sausage. You like spicey,” I was confounded.
He stared at me with an expression that had stopped in the middle of an intersection. ‘Which way do I go?’ he wondered knowing either way was not going to be good.
“Oh come on…” I said.
I made rice, he loves rice, roasted peppers with spices, onions sautéed with a little butter, not a lot of butter, a little butter. And the cabbage? I kept it separate because I know he does not like cabbage. No sirree, no cabbage on his plate…I continued my thought rampage as he continued to eat with a fair amount of speculation…I water the hostas, but you say I don’t need to water the hostas that I’m watering, ‘but the hostas over there need watering,’ you say. Now I don’t remember which hostas were, ‘over there’ and which were not. You made a comment about the floors, so I try to keep them wet mopped.
Seriously, I try to make it cozy for him when he arrives home, with clean floors and mouth-watering happy home scents, like onions being sautéed in butter, maybe a little paprika. I also know, his ability to smell is not like the average bear.
But last night? I’d had enough.
“Seriously? Would you rather have spaghetti or curry every night? Well, pick up some fricken’ curry (that may not be the exact word I used) and eat your fricken’ curry every night.” I didn’t even raise my voice. I simply slid my chair away from the table, leaving my plate untouched but taking with me a glass of wine, then retrieved my book, “West with Girrafes” from my nightstand. I went outside.
I wasn’t even hungry.
After some time had passed, I wondered if he’d come out and apologize, even though he’s learned to give me some space in situations such as this. Or, if he’d at least ask if maybe I wanted a little more wine. I did.
But the breeze was lovely, and that book?—one of the best ever—also, like I said, I wasn’t even hungry. There was that.
Marriage is a curious thing. How can someone you love so much infuriate you so intensely…?
I do have a tendency to overcook sausages. If there’s any possibility that there is pork in it, well, I was raised to allow no pink in pork.
Sitting in the backyard, I looked across the driveway at the new hammock he bought and assembled for me, because I’d asked him why he threw the old one away. “The trees are gone,” he said. “There’s no place to hang it.”
“I used to lay in that hammock and read during the summer, back in high school (when we first met),” I said.
When he surprised me with the new hammock, I cried. Now, I only needed to glance in its direction to feel a new surge of love.
I like curry and he can pick it up on his way home. It will save me a lot of time. And I just bet it will save us money.
But I do so love to cook…
“Let me cook the sausages next time,” he said after we made up.
Making up is the best part. “Okay.”
And that’s a picture of how this marriage has lasted these twenty-four years, and continues to thrive.
Granted, I don’t take that for granted.
So true… love relationships have ups and downs too. I think it’s a sign of a robust marriage when one can have fierce conversation as well as misunderstandings, crosswise communication, minor tantrums and still make up and forgive. Shows empathy and understanding of other. There’s room for each individual to have bad days and mishaps and there’s room for the third dimension of the communal relationship which expands and contracts. Thank you for sharing. 💜🙋♀️💐
Hi Deb, You have a gift, there’s no doubt about it! I could have sworn I was sitting there at the table. What hurts when one of these situations starts to unfold is that us guy folks know it’s about to happen and that somehow we’re responsible, but once it starts to slide, there is not a darn thing we can do about it. Every once in a while the gears just don’t mesh. It’s not critical, but it’s a reality. We’re different and yet, one and the same. And speaking for a guy that’s been married for 52 plus years, and can’t even envision not being with my wife, whom I truly love with all of my heart, sometimes us guys just don’t have a clue. I’m actually hoping you’ll feel sorry for your hubby, because when push comes to shove, the fine tuning awareness about those “little things” that are so critical to you women folk, just do not operate on the same wave length with us men folk. Oh yes, we do pick up on some of the “key” don’t forgets over time, but it’s not natural, it doesn’t flow with a unthought of consistency. We literally have to remind ourselves and it’s never been our strong suit. A man may build the house (think broad strokes) but a wife actually make the house a home (think particulars). It’s got absolutely nothing to do with not appreciating, because we truly do, it’s just that a lot of times we’re clueless when it comes to the meshing of those small little gears. We’re wired differently and when all is said and done, I’m truly grateful for the difference. I wouldn’t want to be married to another me (don’t go there)!
I’ve learned from experience that God can fix these “mismatches of the little gears” much better than I can and I RELY on Him fixing what I can so unmindfully, bring into play (think heavy on the prayers). Your hubby means well, he just doesn’t always do well. It’s the way we are. BUT he does has strong suits that compensate for your weak suits, albeit admittedly, seemingly fewer in number. And ALWAYS, the pluses outnumber the minuses, or at least they should.
I am convinced that God instituted marriage to teach us tolerance and compassion for one another, like He has for us. And yes, I’m grateful for that too! And just so you know, those “friggin” comments had me laughing out loud. Yes, God does have a sense of humour! He has to if He puts up with us. Hug and make up, you’ll both feel better! Blessings!
hummmm….
… rice with roasted peppers with spices, onions sautéed with a little butter, and cabbage!!! with paprika, of course!
yummy!!
… chronicles of dayli life, Deb!
https://carlossp1.files.wordpress.com/2023/07/james-1.19.jpg
Carlos, I love that—Chronicles of Daily Life! Thanks so much for reading, Carlos. I do believe, ten years have already passed by since we first connected here. Can you believe that? So very special! ❤️
yes lady, very special!!
look…
“simple” and “small” daily life things can fill our lives with real poetry!
but without mushy romanticism!
because the opposite is also true;
reality to around us is absolytely complex!
and is need to know that too
to separate the wheat from the chaff!
blessings!!!
I love how you tell this beautiful story of give and take, “How can someone you love so much infuriate you so intensely…?” Right! And I think it’s people who feel so secure and confident in that love that tell it best. Thank you for this beautiful slice of life, Deb! <3
Bruce, Yes, making up is the best part! I just love your comments! ❤️What a treasure. Your words are the most beautiful real life picture of Proverbs 5:18-19.
I recently heard about a man who was caring for his wife who was declining. He went to the Lord with his weariness and disappointment and was reminded of these very words from Proverbs: “rejoice in the wife of your youth.”
It made all the difference. Things changed as he focused on the deep love they had always shared and was able to care for her with a renewed sense of joy. I just love that story.
It’s a picture of your own heart. I’m sure you know the scripture but here it is and may it be so:
“May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”
Sorry if that’s too graphic. It’s the Bible! 😃 Sending blessings and love to you and your family. 💛🙏
Hi Deb, Absolutely true. In our younger days my wife used to lay her head on my lap and I can remember staring at her face and forehead. I still stare at her forehead and her face hasn’t changed. Peg has been a gift beyond my wildest dreams and I love her with every ounce of my being. It’s such a beautiful gift that someone would share their life with you. Times are a little harder now but I’m still eternally grateful and that gratefulness does make all the difference. There can be moments when its touch and go (very few), but they slip away in the the sea of memories and thankfulness. It’s amazing what God can do with two people who didn’t really have a clue when it all began. And that gratefulness extends to our loving God, so much wiser and patient than we. You and your hubby have been given that same gift. I see it in all that you write. You are loved. Cherish it. God’s peace, grace and blessings to you and yours as always. Love in Christ – Bruce
Oh Bruce, more tears. I do cherish Todd’s love. It is a remarkable and unexpected gift to a girl who didn’t deserve it. But God. And I cherish you and Peg and your remarkable love story. You are such a blessing to me. Sending blessings (back) to you and yours, as you always say. We always receive them! ❤️❤️
And . . . YOU got an honourable mention in my latest post! One does have to give due credit where credit is due! You have yourself a great and blessed weekend, Deb!
What a great example of a marriage that isn’t perfect (None of them are.) but has the right ingredients to make it work. I heard it said recently that a good marriage consists of two people who are good apologizers. 😉💕
Aww, Bruce. Let’s praise God together, who deserves all credit, and both have a great and blessed weekend!!!❤️ Thank you so much! I can’t wait to read your post!
Wynne, there is such a wonderful rhythm in your words here I couldn’t help but think of dance—the “give and take” of moving together, the balance and sometimes off-centered suspension which allows you to feel “secure and confident,” in one’s love, and the beauty of existing in the flow of life. Thank you. It was such a delight to read! ❤️
Morag, yes, yes. ❤️ (And having been through a divorce…let’s just say, I’d be lost without God’s love and grace to learn from.)❤️🙋🏻🌻
Annie, Ha! Hmm…Why isn’t that one of the marriage vows…? “Do you promise to love, honor and apologize?” 😅 Thanks always for wise words. ❤️
🤗🙏🤗
Mawkish romanticism is different from chivalrous;
and feminism is different from femininity.
Definition of words is a feature of philosophy.
You and your hubby are proof that what Ruth Graham said is true: “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.”
Aww, thank you, Nancy.
❤️❤️