It was Saturday morning. We were having breakfast, farm fresh eggs so yellow that Todd asked, “How did you make the eggs this color?”
Summer air was blowing in through the window. The neighbor had just finished mowing her lawn, the smell of fresh cut grass still lingered. Something had been on my mind so I spoke up…
That sounds okay so far, right? I wrote this blog last weekend with the plan to post it today. This morning, I woke up thinking, I can’t publish that post! And felt a sense of relief that I wouldn’t. But then I saw the headlines on the morning paper and felt differently. Maybe God was urging me on…
This is how the blog continued:
“As I was doing my Mental Health Coach training yesterday,” I said to Todd, “I thought, ‘Who am I to think I could be a good coach? I probably need a coach!’”
I was studying the session on Boundaries and Violations: Dealing with Seductive, Suicidal, and Potentially Violent People. The thought had upset me. I’d closed my computer and gone for a walk with Fannie, ready to reconsider.
Todd laughed and said, “You’ve got me, Baby. I had a lot of training growing up. My mom was depressed, my brother was depressed, my sister was manic.”
I guess I had good training too. And he’s right, I do have him. He is my sounding board, my confidante and trusted best friend who is always looking out for me.
If I move ahead with the training and certification, which I fully intend to do, it will be a reminder to me, every day, that it’s not in my own strength I live and breathe and work, but through God’s strength in me. If I can just stay out of the way—over-achiever, I tend to be.
And it’s also a reminder, He gives us work, if we accept it, to remind us that we are inadequate. We need Him. That’s a humbling, life-changing realization.
So, there’s the Trauma Care Workshop I’ll be attending this weekend, and I plan to apply to serve as a one-on-one caregiver through my church, a ministry my mom started. That application sits on our dining room table. I also hope to move ahead with the scholarship I’ve received to be certified as a Life Coach.
Let’s just say, after much waiting, God is moving. He has been so good to me, in spite of so much…you know, I’ve written about it, domestic violence (not Todd) and depression, maybe trauma triggered, maybe genetic, maybe both—an auto immune disease—maybe trauma triggered, maybe genetic, maybe both—and any number of things I’ve worked hard to overcome through God’s goodness, grace and healing.
I have felt this overwhelming sense to share what I’ve received. Our God is a good God, a healing God, who doesn’t want us to sit stuck in sickness or isolation or shame.
It’s my journey that just keeps going, on and on, and I wouldn’t change a bit of it…well, not too much of it anyway. There are a few things I would love to change. But when I think of that, I remember what my dear friend and spiritual director, Shelly, told me—God doesn’t erase the past, Debbie, He redeems it.
What life-giving words those have been for me. How can I help but not want to pass that and so much more on?
So onward. There’s no time for wallowing or self-doubt. We can fully embrace the wonders and workings of God in our lives. Or not.
It’s God’s story after all, a testimony of transformation intended to be shared for His glory.
“Honey?” I said after we’d finished breakfast. Todd didn’t answer me. He was watching the Tour de France, but I proceeded anyway. “I’m so glad we’re traveling together.”
He looked up, quizzically. I looked at him. He squinted and cocked his head—kind of like Fannie does when she brings you her gong and drops it on your feet. “You now, through life!” I added, and then we both burst out laughing. It did sound kind of corny.
But it’s true!
Well, we may worry about wolves (or coyotes), but don’t we all deserve the beauty of God’s goodness and grace? Even cats.
“The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33:4