In 1959, that VWBug was the Wenzlermobile. It might have started there—tent on top, three kids in back—somewhere between countries, not knowing the road would one day lead me here…
What a night.
Sometimes we do the wrong thing for the right reasons.
Sometimes we do the right thing for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes we do the wrong things for the wrong reasons.
When that happens—any of it—there’s only one way to get back on the right road…
You know I’ve been piddling around—fiddling?—with an idea that if I were a real writer… or cooler, maybe, a little more popular, I’d expand my base, so to speak— move my home base to the popular place.
That right there should have been a yellow light—to slow down. If not a red one. Stop. After two speeding tickets, I do stop at yellow lights now. I’m more present. I pay attention and keep my mind on the road.
Our Bible study last week was on listening well, as we studied James 1. Part of it was to evaluate yourself as a listener on a scale from 1 to 10.
Ten meant you listen with your whole being—pay attention. You are present.
I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Except for the man I live with—Gpa Todd—does say quite often, “You didn’t hear what I said.“
Listening is more than hearing.
I get distracted—especially at home. I’m often thinking about what I’m writing, or didn’t write, or have yet to write.
He deserves better. I gave myself a 5.
Then I found out scoring a 1 meant that when someone else is talking, you’re mostly thinking about yourself—about some similar experience, or what you’re going to say next…
So I crossed out the 5. Right.
I’m a one.
But thank goodness for the wonderful women at my table. We had a great discussion, and I ended up feeling not as bad about myself… anyway…
What was I saying…?
Oh, right. Doing the right thing for the right reason. Like writing for the right reason, which is not about being cooler or more popular. And, if I’m completely honest, that is where I find myself.
So I am at a full stop.
In the night. I woke up just miserable.
Why? The voice in my head asked me: Why do you need another platform to distract yourself?
I’d spent the entire week—when I should have been working on other things—going back and forth with the idea of expanding to Substack. I was just about ready to move out of my cozy blog space, where I’ve been for years— 13 to be exact for some of you. (Like a baker’s dozen, I reasoned. I’d stayed a bonus year. It was time to move on.)
But why? And for what?
You think about these things at 2:00 a.m.
I felt a little like the man in the parable about the treasure hidden in a field. When the man found it, he hid it again, and in his joy, he went and sold all that he had and bought that field.
It’s like that, except I am still holding on to the other field.
The question isn’t really about where I write.
I was feeling pretty low when I gave up on sleep, turned on the light, and picked up a book on my nightstand that a friend recommended, Rees Howells, Intercessor.
I just happened to open it to Chapter 10.
“A Branch in the Vine”
How fortuitous. Mr. Howells tells a story that made me ask: What am I depending on instead of the Spirit?
By 5:00 a.m. I was praying, “I promise that will never happen again.”
I gave up any claim to my writing. And, once again, promised to give Him whatever He asked for. But I couldn’t do that on my own. I needed the Holy Spirit to lead and guide.
I’m still pondering the fact that I picked up that particular book when I had so many choices…so many books.
Sometimes things happen like that. I’m led to do the right thing for the right reason.
At 5:00 a.m., I prayed for two more hours of sleep because we had friends coming for dinner. I slept soundly till 7:00.
So, all this to say, I realized, again, when I find myself all upset and confused about what to do, I’ve probably been depending on the wrong thing and find the Spirit withdrawn, and worse, grieved. I travel along, heavy-hearted, until I just can’t stand it.
Like at the 2 o’clock hour.
So, to circle back to my Bible study.
James has been criticized for his message of listening and doing. To be honest, it can send me back in the wrong direction, feeling I’m not doing enough.
Writing can often feel that way. It takes up so much time and space. Alone.
But it’s time I spend sitting at Jesus’ feet. At this point in my life, He’s given me the hours to do this. It’s a treasure.
God wasn’t saying to put my pen away. Or not to write on Substack. Our teacher ended by saying it’s all about balance.
Good balance comes when you dance with the Spirit, so to speak. You let God lead.
You can do the right thing for the wrong reasons.
To get back in step, I go back to God’s Letter—His Word. Then, depend on his lead. And before I know it, I’m back in the flow.
Moving. Writing. Living.
Whatever the season I’m in, the flow happens when I live according to His purpose. The Spirit will readjust as needed, when needed.
“He can’t be a guest in the house,” Oswald Chambers says. “He invades everything.”
As He leads, our part is to follow (to fish, raise kids, caretake… to write all that He reveals.)
Like a little wink from God, my new subscribers on Substack doubled last week–from 5 to 10. Now if only my listening would do the same.
I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Happy Saturday.
xx dwf
_______
Book mentioned: Reese Howells Intercessor by Norman Grubb
Scriptures referenced: James 1: 1-27; Philippians 3:14.
I loved reading this. 🤍
“What am I depending on instead of the Spirit.”
This is a great question—one that hit me right between the eyes!
I’m still working, three years into a refit as an elementary assistant principal, but the stress is sometimes high. I keep looking for the exit, Deb. My wife is already retired and came back as a part time tutor, but I’m stuck bringing peace out of chaos.
Your question from the book, which is one of my favorites, brought me back to reality. God’s grace is enough. Thank you, Deb.
If you’re writing makes a difference to one person, during a difficult time in their life, that’s enough. I’m living proof!
Amen, Deb. It’s so wonderful to read your words of wisdom (and wit) & truth! There’s nothing like surrendering it all~ listening ~ being still~ and hearing and reading that the answer is right in front of you. And that everything that matters the most, Him, is completely indwelled in you!
I love your writing~ and I love you!💕🙏♥️
Thank you😌🤍
David, that’s the prayer I have to keep returning to. Let me write for one, Lord. You know who. You and who? Just give my words wings. I am so blessed by your words. Sometimes every cell inside me wants to fight it. Thank you for taking the time to affirm what I had to return to here, to stay on the road. 😌
I often think of you, and all the good work I know you do. James would be so pleased. 😃 God does keep bringing us back to reality, doesn’t He? We can’t do it alone. We need each other. And yes, His Grace is sufficient. Thank you, my friend.
Karla! It’s been too long. Even when we’re apart, your flannel warms my heart. Thank you so much for circling back. It does feel like a circle dance, doesn’t it…? I have always loved your words, your heart, and I love you too! 🤍🙏✨
Aww, Deb. This warmed my heart and soul tonight. It does feel like a circle dance. It feels the perfect reunion and time!
You’re so precious and kind to me. Much love ♥️💕🫶🏻🙏🫶🏻
Those 2am diatribes with ourselves. Maddening, right? I love how you share your process of mulling and considering and allowing the God wink to be recognized when it comes. The “where” to write is a conundrum for sure and I’m still not sure about Substack (I have an account but I’m like a phantom there, barely popping in). I say cheers and keep going if you doubled your subscribers in short order. A nudge and a wink. xo! ❤️😊❤️
Thank you, Vicki! Sorry for the delay responding. We’re in the midst of house renovations which have inspired me to take seriously the need to purge. I think the hardest part was getting started. (Not unlike what we’re talking about.) It’s so much easier when you have friends at your side. ❤️❤️ I appreciate the nudge and the wink. Day by day we go.
😅 Congrats again on your new book! Wishing you all the best with that and I look forward to reading it soon! ❤️
Ditto. Much love back🩷🌼🙏
Ohhh! Never worry about timing…always happy to exchange love and hugs with you! Xo! 😘
Thanks for this Deb. A wise woman I once knew called the process ‘co-creation’. I need to remember it more often than I do. It’s great to be reminded of it.
That’s beautiful, Margaret—“the process of co-creation.” I love that. Sounds like something to write about…. 😌
‘Love how God ministered wisdom to you, Deb, in the middle of the night, AND gave you enough rest to propel you through the next day! “They” tell me I should move to Substack, but so far I’ve not felt Spirit-inspired to do so. He’s the one I want to listen to first and foremost. P.S. This writing chapter of my life has been a treasure for me too. I do enjoy participating in the blogosphere!
I feel the same, Nancy. In my short period of stepping in lightly, I’m so grateful I didn’t jump in hook, line, and sinker (funny I never realized the literary metaphor in that saying before. 😀) I actually realized how very much my WordPress friends, poets, and writers mean to me. Over thirteen years,
Many prove to be ever-lasting, some have gone Home, and others have passed through. I have valued each and every connection. You know? In all that time, I only had one negative comment from someone who didn’t understand my true meaning of being “rich.” Now I want to go back and reread that post. 🙏 Maybe give it a few edits.❤️ Aren’t our archives special?
I almost deleted my Substack, but I’m glad I didn’t. Things take time. I have two posts that feel right living there, I keep messing with my “About” and my tagline has already had as many lives as a cat!🐈 😅 If I can help in any way, let me know. We are fellow travelers. 🧳 ✍️ Sendng my best always. ❤️
Pssst, in fact, you’ve given me courage to post my 3rd Substack…😌🙏
Thank you, Deb, for your gracious offer of help should I decide to move over to Substack. / You are so right–the relationships with other bloggers have been a delightful blessing over the years. I’ve been able to meet two face-to-face–a joy we never expected! / Three substack posts? You’re off and RUNNING!